Goodbye 2024
and a new moon in Capricorn 🌚
Lately, when people ask me what I’ve been up to, I just say “I’m wintering”. I think of myself like a little bear in hibernation; sleeping, cooking nourishing food, napping and doing the indoor things that make me feel rested and replenished. Today, Dec 30th, marks the last new moon of the year, one in Capricorn; the earthy sea goat sign that teaches us to only take what is absolutely necessary, and cut the rest. Determined, responsible, hard-working & patient Capricorn imbues this new moon with the motivation for us to reflect on our year, and dream new (or same same) dreams for the next lunar cycle, and year. Even though I do believe that the *true* new year begins with the spring equinox, there is something to honoring the calendar that dictates our everyday lives.
And now for my end of year reflections:
2024 has been a year of profound loss and transformation for me. Up until recently, I considered my life to have had its challenges and setbacks, but none quite like the dismal buffet that was served at this year’s emotional dining hall. While nothing could have prepared me for any of it, I’m reflecting on these seismic events and sharing what I’m taking with me, and what I’m leaving behind.
🥀 For one, death has been an instrumental teacher to me. To be ushered into the landscape of the underworld, has been both confronting and enlightening, and as a result, I’ve learned to care significantly less about the small stuff and everyday minutia. Spilled your Thai food on the kitchen floor? No worries, we’ll clean it up and have something else. Someone close to you being somewhat annoying or irritating? I’m just gonna let it go and revisit later if it truly needs addressing. Most things in day to day life are usually solvable, and I’ve learned it’s easier to let little those things go, and not give an ounce of upset if it’s not worth it.
🥀 Spending time only with those who uplift, support or emotionally sustain me. The companion of death is grief, and grief does not allot much energy or resources outside of itself. I’ve since learned to discern what (and who) is worthy of my time and energy. Having limited bandwidth means choosing myself first, always, before choosing another. Knowing my own capacity and limits, and taking on no more than I can, has been a deeply liberating exercise in prioritizing my well-being and letting go of the need for external validation (something I highly recommend).
🥀 Honoring my own life timing, and my development as it continues to change and fluctuate. We live in a society and culture that insists we operate at near 100% capacity all year long (honestly, kinda boring). I’m not a robot, and neither are you. It’s necessary and natural to rest and recalibrate, to go “dark” for a bit, and discover what wants to emerge next. The greatest gift you could ever give yourself (outside of your health), is permission to go at your own life timing. Yes, it might take “longer”. Sure, from the outside it may appear you aren’t “doing anything”. But we all know, that the greatest things worth anything, take their time. Just like a great painting or work of art, or fresh sourdough bread that first has to rise. Your life timing is your own unique signature, one that honors where you’ve been, and moves at your own pace.
🥀 To maintain a sense of humor throughout it all, and to embrace the pockets of joy when they come along. Because if we’re not laughing, we’re crying!?! The days of our lives, are very much like the soap opera—a comedy/tragedy of great losses and rejuvenating moments. Learning to live with both the light and the dark, to oscillate between, is not only a life hack, but a means of survival and emotional endurance.
✨ Lastly, true friendships and family will stand the test of time and all circumstances. I’m eternally grateful to those who supported me through these last several months, tho ones who comforted me through the tears and confusion and disarray, who listened to my stories about my dad and my grandmother, and watched me unfurl or completely numb out. I would not have endured any of it without you. For those who witnessed with more distance, I see you too and deeply appreciate you seeing me in this transformational chapter.
While we are still in the early days of winter, I’m embracing the clean slate of a new calendar year. And much like a lake that freezes over in winter, despite being placid, still has life deep below the surface. A mixing of slow currents and underwater developments that will soon melt its way to the top. And with time and patience, will once again, become a glistening surface.
As the year closes and a new one begins, I hope you find the strength to keep forging ahead, despite all your difficulties and setbacks, that you continue to seek out new experiences that will enrich you, and that you find the courage to live out the life you’ve always dreamed of, even if lands imperfectly. 💖
